Saying it Out Loud

I said something out loud the other day to a very close friend that I hadn’t fully thought through. It came up in our conversation and I have not been able to stop thinking about it since. I am very grateful for my job, I love my students, and I work my tail off every day to do the best I can but I mentioned that, maybe, I am not so in love with my current position as I thought.

I may just have a teacher-coming-into-Christmas-break attitude but since I said it out loud, I can’t help but realize how true it is. Like I said before, I am grateful for my job, I love my students, and my team of teachers is pretty spectacular. The problem is I keep adding “but” after that sentence. “But”, I don’t really enjoy what I am teaching. “But”, I like younger kids better. “But,” this isn’t what I have wanted to do for my entire life.

Of course, I will stick this year out, I will love my students, and I will do my absolute best but, it scares me a little that my heart is not fully in it. It scares me mostly because I don’t want to be that teacher that bails on the students emotionally. I am going to have to work harder than before on finding the things that make me happy everyday. Saying it out loud got me thinking and I don’t really know what the future holds for me.

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