After a Week in the Fourth Grade

I feel less sick about the whole thing… Ish… I haven’t got all of Monday planned because I forgot the science book at school and I have no idea what chapter 12 tals about. I have never been this unprepared to do anything in my life. I have no idea what I doing but I know I am doing a pretty mediocre job of it. 

Mean Miss Haley is front and center this year and so far she hasn’t been able to break them either. 

Honestly though, they are growing on me. I am finding little things that I like about some of them. Some I am still struggling to see the good, non-disruptive things about them. None of them are all that “bad” they just have no respect for authority. I knew going in it would be an uphill battle but knowing something and experiencing something are two different ball games. 

I think my biggest problem is that this picture is not the one I have seen in my head since I was seven years old. I pictured little kids not big ones and I pictured the first time they read an entire word or an entire sentence being in my classroom. I pictured something different than what I have. Now, I have to get the room to stop spinning long enough to see reality clearly. 

And boy, has the room been spinning! Yesterday, I stood up from doing some work and got all light headed and queasy. Mom got me some juice and I say on my floor for while. I haven’t quite stopped getting dizzy when I move too fast. Everyone told me stress can do that to a person. 

I re-read some notes from my kindergarteners and the one from my mentor teacher this evening, just to put things back in perspective and remind myself that some people believe in me. I read those notes because my mentor teacher reminds me not to be so hard on myself in her note. She might be right (which is a stupid thing to say considering every time I have doubted her I have quickly realized how right she was and it turned out to be pretty embarrassing for me!). 

I am trying to go into this week with a fresh attitude and I positive perspective. I have said before that if one student eats a meal they might not otherwise get or feels safe when they otherwise may not, it was worth me being there. 

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