I told you all that things yesterday were better… And honestly, it wasn’t terrible. I have made my fourth official trip to the principal’s office today. The rest of my students were great! I even gave out candy but that was after the one student had gone to the office and stayed there all day. Things are wild here in the fourth grade. While I was in the office, the principal said she didn’t think I was doing a terrible job and didn’t think I couldn’t handle it. That was really nice. It feels nice that other people do not think I am doing as bad as I think I am. Between our principal’s, my intermediate mentor teacher’s, and Mrs. K.’s help and advice, maybe one day I will be able to do this.
Day nine of my teaching career and I spent an a half an hour of it in the principal’s office. Other than my interview and the daily announcements she gives to the whole school, I haven’t had many interactions with my building principal. She is pretty busy.
Compared to the last time I was in the principal’s office (you can read about it on my student teaching blog The View from Student Teaching) this time was a breeze. My students were definitely more rattled than I was though I can hardly imagine feeling more sick and nervous than I was. At least I did not cry… About that.
Picture this, now. Here I am standing in the office wanting to be nearly anywhere else on earth and I have already gone this far and can’t turn back. Visions of the last time I was in a principal’s office flashed in my brain. The way the pattern on the carpet swirled in front of me and I could almost imagine myself throwing up right on that floor. It made me a little more nauseous than I already was to think back to that last time.
I suppose it shows I have made improvements to my outside-of- the-classroom teaching skills that I was slightly less terrified at this moment. I actually felt as though I had the upper hand instead of feeling like I might be scolded for bringing them to the office for something petty. There in lies (so far) what I found as the biggest difference between my student teaching and teaching; I am less afraid to make decisions that require involving others. Yes, I want to do it by myself but I also know that when I say there is a problem others know it is a problem. When I student taught, if I couldn’t go to my mentor teacher about it, I didn’t go to anyone because I felt like others were not responsible for me and my problems. Now I recognize that some things have to be delt with with the help of others.
Even in the few days I have been on my own (mostly) in the room, I have noticed changes. I am more confident in my ability to make snap decisions in a rational way. I do not feel so nervous punishing students for misbehaving.
I suppose this little trip to the principal’s office lead me a little further toward being the best teacher I can be.